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“Beyond the Daycare Years” First published in
With Equal Right While I have held a number of interesting jobs and titles across the last 19 years of practice, my favorite was record holder for “Most Maternity Leaves in Shortest of Time.” I achieved this milestone at Oppenheimer, Wolff and Donnelly where I practiced law from 1983 through 1993. Oppenheimer did make me a partner. The partnership selection committee apparently assumed maternity jumpers where my garment of choice for life; my daily 5:30 p.m. dash to the daycare center was simply an unusual exercise program; and that with four young children as a backdrop, I would view firm politics and partnership retreats as civilized, cordial opportunities for adult conversation. I was credited for a steadying, “maternal” influence. It can happen if, for 14 years of your life, you are either pregnant, breastfeeding or have at least one child in diapers. My children eventually moved out of the diapers/constant supervision phase. I was ready to move on as well – to take on more high profile jobs and spend more time on community work after years of a narrower focus on work and family. Then came teenagers. You remember junior high: hundreds of seventh and eighth graders reeking with hormones and insecurities crammed into one building where the primary focus is the social pyramid. Where is the reliable daycare center where my darlings could be safely cared for until 6:00 each day? What happened to the hugs and smiles I received when I saw them at the end of my workday? When did I start worrying more about leaving my 17 year-old at home after school (with his girlfriend?) than I did leaving my eight year-old “home alone” as a latchkey child? When did a shrug, sigh and “whatever” become the dominant response to my inquiries about their days? More to the point, what happened to my feeling of happiness at the thought of returning home from work? Couldn’t my husband and I simply order them pizza and head directly for Cafe 128? I had to face reality. My children needed me available to them more in junior high than at any other point in their lives to date. Did they verbalize this? Rarely. Did they appreciate it? (sigh, shrug here) “Whatever”. Until that magic year when I had two children in junior high, I was under the delusion that my work-life juggling act was a phase of life. A decade that, while enjoyable, would pass and I would then enter the regular career world. Wrong. Women often fill caregiving roles, whether for our children, our parents, our friends or our extended families. Our roles change. The juggling does not. Our profession has made measurable strides in addressing parenting issues. When I interviewed with law firms with the Twin Cities in 1982 only one firm had a written maternity leave policy. Not so today. Yet many workplaces (and our support networks) continue to define “family friendly” with the daycare years in mind. I recognize that mistake because I made it. Collectively, we need to reshape the dialog. We need to do so without minimizing the importance of the early childhood years. Perhaps we promote model policies regarding personal leave to take care of our parents when that caregiving role becomes necessary and measure firms on their use of sabbatical policies for men and women. Individually and collectively, we could urge legal employers to adopt part-time policies which can be long-term, rather than short-term in nature. Together we can better measure the workplace "flexibility” which is a cornerstone for achieving balance in our lives. Finally, we can better share our stories and our support with each other. These are a few ideas that cross my mind when I think back across my nineteen years of combining parenthood and the fulltime practice of law. Much has been accomplished. Much remains. Lucinda Jesson and her husband, Peter Knapp, are the parents of four boys. Currently she practices employment, alternative dispute resolution and health law in St. Paul. Prior to starting her own practice, Ms. Jesson served as Deputy Hennepin County Attorney and Deputy Minnesota Attorney General for Health and Licensing.
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